INSEAD Culture Shock/ Cultural Diversity Essay (sample essay)

Dear MBA Hopefuls,

INSEAD is undoubtedly one of the most impressive programs out there. This consulting powerhouse is at the top of many applicants B-school list. The INSEAD's "Culture Shock" essay, (or so it was called), stands in the way of many bright-eyed MBA hopefuls. This essay has been revamped for class of December, 2015. However, the changes have been minuscule.

Before we proceed, please read this disclaimer below:

Disclaimer: Few MBA hopefuls, due to wide variety of reasons, resort to plagiarism. Please remember that doing so is not only unethical, it can also prove detrimental to your MBA dreams. Business schools, all around the globe, have increasingly started using plagiarism detection softwares. I am obligated to advice MBA hopefuls not to indulge in such practices. The resources provided on this blog are meant to help you think about your own essays. Please resist the urge to copy-paste/copy re-word and paste/ pick stories or ideas from the posts you see from this blog or any other blog.

Let's take a look at the essay prompts:

Original "Culture Shock essay": Have you ever experienced culture shock? What insights did you gain? (250 words maximum)

Revamped essay: Tell us about an experience where you were significantly impacted by cultural diversity, in a positive or negative way (300 words max.)

One of my client, let's call him Ron Weasley, agreed to let me use his essay for the purpose of discussion.

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Question: Have you ever experienced culture shock? What insights did you gain? (250 words maximum)

Ron's response:

[Para 1] On my work trip to [Imagine some picturesque location; let's call it Hogwarts], I witnessed that the local folks always seemed disgruntled at requests for directions. Unlike the people in [Ron's native land], who might take a keen interest in helping a foreigner, the [people in Hogwarts], to an extent, were hostile.

[Para 2] I had a chance to interact with [a native]. Then there is a whole discussion about Ron's interaction with this native and his learning about this new culture.

[Para 3] During my three months stay [at Hogwarts], I befriended [some Hogwarts folks] at work. I

witnessed that they started taking a keen interest in my life [some act of kindness]. [Three sentences to explain a specific instance, where these Hogwarts folks helped Ron]. Sentence that answers the second half: Witnessing their hospitality, I realised that [people from Hogwarts] were not unconcerned, they were just “differently concerned”, and that people from different cultures show concern in different ways.

PS: This essay looks short because this is just a 250 words essay, and I have taken the details out.

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Following are my tips, para-by-para analysis of this essay and the re-structured parts:-

Tip #1: Tell a Story!

Tip #2: Downplay the negative overtone. Do NOT stereotype or incessantly criticise- the best way to do this is to talk about your own experiences. As a B-school Hopeful, your goal in this essay is to show a stark contrast between cultural situations. Yes, you are allowed to be critical and talk about good/bad things about a culture, but do so in a balanced way.

Tip #3: Get straight to the point- you really have no real estate to waste.

So, coming back to Ron's essay:

[Para 1] On my work trip to [Imagine some picturesque location; let's call it Hogwarts], I witnessed that the local folks always seemed disgruntled at requests for directions. Unlike the people in [Ron's native land], who might take a keen interest in helping a foreigner, the [people in Hogwarts], to an extent, were hostile.

The good: Ron starts off strongly. Though, it might appear that Ron is being critical about people from Hogwarts, but he is talking about a very specific point- about the less helpful nature of the people from Hogwarts.

Changes that Ron made to this paragraph: Ron and I restructured sentences and took out words such as disgruntled and hostile, downplaying the negative overtone.

[Para 2] I had a chance to interact with [a native]. Then there is a whole discussion about Ron's interaction with this native and his learning about this new culture.

Tip #4: Be specific and know what point you are going to make. Understand how your essay transitions.

The bad: In paragraph one, Ron made a very specific point about less helpful nature of the people from Hogwarts. In the second paragraph, however, Ron takes the discussion in a different direction. He talks about how his interactions with a native augmented his understanding about Hogwart's culture.

Changes that Ron made to this paragraph: We zeroed in on a specific instance that added vivid details to the point made in the first paragraph. So, Ron replaced the second paragraph, detailing an instance where his wallet was stolen and how people around him were nonchalant to his requests. He made some very specific points (nothing negative) about Hogwart's culture. Take a look at this re-worked paragraph:-

[Re-worked Para 2] One Friday afternoon, my wallet was stolen near [Some place in Hogwarts]. The people and shopkeepers around seemed nonchalant to my request of directing me to a police station. If this were to happen in [Ron's native place], I could have banked on people to help me - I was long way from home. [Some more details about people being nonchalant]. Being so accustomed to the [Ron's native place], this was completely shocking to me.

Tip #5: Re-read the question when you are happy with your Essay. For this question, these are the following things your essay should answer:-

a) Did you tell a story and was your story credible?

b) Did your essay outline a culture shock or does it simply talk about  a cultural experience? (even for the revamped class of December 2015 essay this points holds true)

So, coming back to our friend Ron. In his essay, he outlines clearly how people at Hogwarts differ from his native land. The story he told in paragraph 2 lends his essay the credibility the Ad-Com would love. Further, Ron was able to establish the "cultural shock" in this essay by starkly contrasting Hogwart's culture with his native land's culture.

The only problem with this essay so far is that Ron has shown Hogwarts in somewhat a bad light. For essays like this one, it is nearly impossible not to do that. However, you always have a choice to redress the negativity to a certain extent. After engaging in a lengthy chat with Ron, we were able to undertake this redressal:-

Tip #6: End your story with a happy ending.

[Para 3] During my three months stay [at Hogwarts], I befriended [some Hogwarts folks] at work. I

witnessed that they started taking a keen interest in my life [some act of kindness]. [Three sentences to explain a specific instance, where these Hogwarts folks helped Ron]. Sentence that answers the second half: Witnessing their hospitality, I realised that [people from Hogwarts] were not unconcerned, they were just “differently concerned”, and that people from different cultures show concern in different ways.

Question: How good was this essay?

Answer: Since Ron got into INSEAD, I would say pretty good! :)

Regards,

Manager, mbaessaybank

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As an MBA Hopeful, if you want to avail any of the services mentioned below, please write to us at: mbaessaybank@gmail.com

1. Get your essay edited (for free). Your essay will be featured on this blog (without the meaty details), like the sample essay above. In return, we will send you (over e-mail) a detailed analysis of your essay along with the re-structured paragraphs.

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a) If you are a fresh applicant who wants an assessment of your profile. Send us your resume, GMAT score, GPA, Essays (if you've written them), nationality and other details with the list of schools you would like to apply. We will send you a detailed feedback on your profile and feature you (without your personal details) on our blog.

b) If you were dinged at the school/schools you applied to, we will send you a ding report (for free).

In return, we would ask you to contribute one of your essays to this blog.

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